Somatic Aether

Otakon 2006

2006-08-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm back from my annual trip to Otakon. I've been going since like... 1999 or something, so by now I know the Baltimore Convention Center pretty well. Anyways, it was nice to be back in Maryland where the weather is more hospitable and they actually know how to make steak and cheese subs (Steak Escape in the Columbia Mall: They use a tough, almost baguette-like bread, steak that's actually moist, and cheese that doesn't congeal into a horrifying mass (provolone?), topped with mushrooms, onions, black pepper, and mayonnaise. Yum :9

This year's artist alley didn't go as well. I had a rush of sketch commissions, yeah, but I didn't have anything like the doujins from last year, and most of the things I sold were small things. It was probably a combination of not being prepared with new works, not having a shiny display, and not having much fanart. Being a little more known on places like deviantart probably would've helped, too. At any rate, I was vastly outperformed by the people sitting next to me. Alas.

On the other hand, I did have a lot of people comment on how good my art was... it's just that they didn't want to buy any of it :P. I have a feeling a lot of them come for fanart prints, and that's something I didn't have. On the other hand, I was glad to see that one of the artists who didn't seem to be doing so well last year (I think her name was mercedes) seemed to be cleaning up this year. She sold posters for $15, and they're really quite striking.

Freakin' Fruit Flies.

2006-08-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Bugs as a general love to torment me, but this particular fruit fly has tried landing on my glasses and my arm in the past couple minutes. My question is, why me?

Do I let off some kind of BUG ATTRACTOR AURA? Why can't I have a cool power instead?

On the Coolness of Cats

2006-08-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

It's strange. I don't really consider myself a compassionate or kind person. I regularly ignore people asking for change on the street. I view that guy wrapped in a pink sleeping bag every day till noon in front of the post office bench with distaste. I don't care for babies. I view many "conditions", such as mild Asperger's or ADD, with suspicion and wonder if they're not actually character flaws.

But today one of my friends mentioned that she has to leave her door closed so that the cat who lives in her aparment (and belongs not to her, but someone her roommate knows) won't nose open the door. She left the A/C on, and I'm presuming she didn't want the cold air to escape. When I suggested leaving the cat in the room, she said that his litter box and water were outside, and he would shove open the door to get to them. At this point, I asked, 'why not leave the litter box and water inside?' She responded that it was not her cat, and she wasn't going to bring them inside.

I thought this was a horrible thing to say, and I'm not sure if this is because she has a habit of saying things rather bluntly and doesn't realize how she sounds, or if she actually doesn't care that this cat is locked in an apartment on a day where it is supposed to reach 101 degrees fahrenheit without air conditioning because it is not her cat and she doesn't want her room to be hot when she gets back. Later she mentioned that the windows were open, so 'it's breezy, and it's not like it's going to be 130 degrees or anything'.

I live in an apartment where the only room that has A/C is mine. Even yesterday at night, I couldn't stand being outside the room for the 30 minutes required to watch the Colbert Report. The windows were all open, and there was a slight breeze... but I'd be lying if I said that it really helped, and I think anyone without air conditioning on a hot day like that would say the same. If you add this to her comment that her glasses fogged up every time she left her room and went to the kitchen, I just can't understand why she feels no concern leaving a furry animal like that just because it's not hers.

Is it because I don't own pets? Maybe. To her credit, she does own two cats... who live with her parents with central air. I don't even doubt the cat's ability to survive. I know people who are out and about even now. It may be rough and uncomfortable, but not life-threatening.

What bothered me even more was when I mentioned that after hearing that, I had no more doubts that I should take care of my subletter's Christmas cacti, she just... laughed. Can someone really be that callous? Did she not understand what I was saying? I think at least the second part is true, because she went on to try and talk to me about how she felt like her tupperware containers were like bento boxes. Afterwards, I thought about her recent attempts to adopt a new cat. A woman at the shelter had told her about the history of a cat that had been systematically abused before being rescued. Her response: "I felt bad about it, but I don't like longhaired cats".

I feel disgust for people who approach me on the street and ask for money. Would the average person think that I am worse than she because I'm callous towards human beings, and she is only callous towards animals?

To be truthful, I feel conflict along with my disgust. It's true that the homeless people I've met have largely been rude, brazen, or frauds. They lie to me and my friends, aggressively demand money, loudly accost anyone who meets their gaze. But there are (or so they tell me) genuinely ill people who were simply shoved out onto the streets because there wasn't enough room in the mental institutions. And I do feel that I should try to help out those who can't help themselves. But when choosing between someone I feel is not uncapable of supporting themselves, but unwilling, and an animal that is literally powerless to escape a situation... I'd choose the animal.

Am I wrong in this? I feel that I am not, but other people might think otherwise: that a human life is always worth more than an animal's. Is it strange to be re-evaluating a friendship just over these events? I'm not sure, but the fact that she was unwilling to expend even this small amount of effort to make another living, breathing, (and sometimes purring) thing more comfortable bothers me.

Crazy SG leader update

2006-07-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

I was starting to regret a little the fact that I'd globally ignored aforementioned SG Leader, even if he was shockingly condescending in his last comments to me (and apparently contacted my current SG leader accusing her of 'stealing' me) when a shiny new notice came in my email. Apparently, this gem of a guy snipped out two lines where I cursed at him out of frustration, then sent them to the GMs to report me for a language violation. What a charmer!

I got three things:
1) A slap on the wrist from the mod
2) A license from the mod to say anything I wished from now on as long as I didn't curse
3) Newfound confirmation that this seemingly victimized, poor-little-puppy-dog of a player was actually surprisingly vicious and childish.

Especially that last one. He must have known all I would get would be #1 at worst... yet he still chose to report me. Why? Because he felt he had to have the last word? On the other hand, I can now guiltlessly parade around each and every hami raid and CoH in general secure in the fact that I apparently make him miserable with my very presence. According to intelligence reports (read: gossip), apparently I've been raised to 'ex-girlfriend' status with this guy, to the point where thinking about me pains him. This makes me wonder what his ex REALLY did... give him a papercut, perhaps.

2006-07-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

My former Supergroup leader is batshit insane. I wish I'd kept all the conversations, but I didn't have chat logging turned on until later on. Basically, I found out he'd been lying to me, and although I repeatedly told him it really didn't matter to me, he kept persisting in telling me the same things over and over again until I told him to stop. Of course, he didn't, because he is a giant black hole of emotional need (something like that King from The Last Unicorn, but without the unicorns), which just escalated things. There are a few things that I cannot stand, and constantly trying to interact with me and pry some kind of emotion from me without listening to a single thing I'm saying is one of them.

Eventually, it was more like his apologies and emotional appeals were trying to set me up to be the bad guy (moms of the world, eat your heart out). The problem is that I'm not easy to guilt trip, and will resent it if I realize someone's trying to do it to me. It's a low tactic, especially when you're trying to eclipse the fact that the one who did something wrong was not me, but you. The way I saw it was that we should both get over it and move on, but it is hard to argue this point to a broken record.

July 10------------------------------------------------------------------

(23:46:00) JCTango88: are you there :(
(23:46:19) Bass Master Fei: Yep.
(23:46:29) Bass Master Fei: Not for long, though.
(23:46:38) JCTango88: :(...
(23:46:58) JCTango88: i hate that you feel like you can't trust me :(
(23:47:12) Bass Master Fei: Then work to become trustworthy.
(23:47:35) JCTango88: this was the one thing i wasn't totally honest about and it wasn't because i didn't want to be.. i didn't know how to handle it
(23:47:51) JCTango88: did i ruin everything between us?
(23:48:27) Bass Master Fei: No, Glemma is willing to forgive you, so I am still willing to be friends.
(23:48:44) JCTango88: you'd never see me as a boyfriend anymore though :(
(23:49:00) JCTango88: you said i'd be a good boyfriend.. do you still think that still holds true
(23:49:28) Bass Master Fei: Nope, not until I could be sure you were trustworthy.
(23:49:43) JCTango88: i want you to be able to trust me :(
(23:49:47) Bass Master Fei: Maybe, if you could make up your mind that you really liked someone.
(23:49:55) JCTango88: i know i'm sorry ok :(
(23:50:20) JCTango88: if i weren't i wouldn't be weepy :(
(23:50:54) Bass Master Fei: If you want me to trust you, start acting like it and stop telling me about it. I already know you're sorry, and I don't hold anything against you.
(23:52:33) JCTango88: would you ever think of me as a boyfriend ever again :(
(23:52:58) JCTango88: ...would you want to?
(23:53:13) Bass Master Fei: not unless you straightened up.
(23:53:47) JCTango88: but you do like me?
(23:55:08) Bass Master Fei: You're a nice enough person, but kind of weak-minded.
(23:56:04) Bass Master Fei: However, if what you told me about yourself wasn't a total lie, you also must have some strength.
(23:56:16) JCTango88: what about?
(23:56:22) JCTango88: and no i wasn't lying about myself
(23:56:27) Bass Master Fei: Your sister.
(23:56:33) JCTango88: oh about my dad?
(23:56:36) Bass Master Fei: Yes.
(23:56:41) JCTango88: yeah :(
(23:56:45) JCTango88: she's ok..
(23:56:53) JCTango88: she's actually better off than i am..
(23:56:57) JCTango88: she's a lot more social.
(23:57:16) JCTango88: I pressure myself too much.
(23:57:35) JCTango88: ever since i was a kid i was quiet and felt pushed
(23:58:03) JCTango88: being one of two-three oriental kids in a school can do that to you
(23:58:21) JCTango88: I got into a lot of fights with people who picked on me everyday
(23:58:27) JCTango88: I had to stand up for myself
(23:59:44) JCTango88: Austine? :(
(00:00:49) Bass Master Fei: hm?
(00:01:02) JCTango88: will you forgive me:(
(00:01:17) Bass Master Fei: I don't hold it against you.
(00:02:06) JCTango88: I wasn't lying about everything :(
(00:03:48) Bass Master Fei: Okay.
(00:04:39) JCTango88: Those feelings you had for me.. are they gone :(
(00:05:29) Bass Master Fei: Hmm...yeah.
(00:05:35) JCTango88: =(
(00:05:58) JCTango88: you don't want to see me as a boyfriend anymore do you :(
(00:06:16) Bass Master Fei: Like I said, maybe if you straightened up.
(00:06:23) JCTango88: what do you mean?
(00:06:42) JCTango88: and even if i did straighten up you might not want me would you :(
(00:07:07) Bass Master Fei: That's true. But I'd probably like you a lot better.
(00:07:21) JCTango88: I want you to trust me :(
(00:07:32) JCTango88: I wanted us to talk more
(00:08:59) Bass Master Fei: You're so weak all you can think of is that people don't like you. If you want to be more trustworthy, then don't break people's trust. If you want to be stronger, you have to work towards it. It doesn't matter how much you want something if you're not willing to strive for it.
(00:09:06) Bass Master Fei: It's 12:08, I'm going to bed.
(00:10:07) JCTango88: will you ever have feelings for me again :(

July 11------------------------------------------------------------------

(00:13:38) JCTango88: austine :(
(08:30:09) JCTango88: morning
(08:32:43) JCTango88: can we talk?
(08:33:01) JCTango88: if not now.. later today?
(08:33:11) JCTango88: please?
(08:37:38) JCTango88: austine? :(
(08:41:56) JCTango88: =(.. don't shut me out
(08:45:29) JCTango88: are you there :/
(08:47:36) JCTango88: T_T...
(08:52:30) JCTango88: i feel horrible about everything :(.. i'm sorry about not being honest about what happened and how it was being handled.. I can't change the past.. what's done is done.. but I still want to talk to you :(
(08:52:54) JCTango88: say something at least? :(...
(08:59:02) JCTango88: =(((
(08:59:22) JCTango88: I just found myself getting deeper and deeper into things and it got harder to get out
(08:59:32) JCTango88: I'm sorry :( ok? please talk to me?
(09:23:22) JCTango88: :( please say something? i don't like cold shoulder :(
(09:58:20) JCTango88: :( why are you ignoring me :(
(09:58:20) Bass Master Fei : Boku wa ima kimi o sasaete/Kimi wa ima boku o sasaeru
(10:16:06) JCTango88: *pokes* :(

July 12------------------------------------------------------------------
And today....
"If you don't appreciate my sincerity, you don't deserve my friendship. And your angry swearing isn't helping."

Ninja >> Knights

2006-04-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, I can't accept the idea that knights can fight on par with Konoha ninja. Which basically ruined a lot of the movie for me. Also the fact that they pulled the whole "Gelel" thing out of their asses. Where have I seen random insertions of never-in-the-mythology powers/incantations/etc? Oh, I remember.

THE FMA MOVIE. Which I had serious problems with.

And by the way, trying to fight Gaara on a BEACH? Okay, if you were a water ninja, maybe. If your ace in the hole is lightning powers? No. Just no:

Ninja Boss: So, uh, yeah... we need you to be fighting Gaara of the Desert...
Ninja: Well, I don't like the sound of that, but--
Ninja Boss: In the middle of MILES OF SAND.
Ninja: WTF NO. KTHXBYE.

Seriously, the out-of-nowhere knights with bizarre, unexplained powers really detracted from the whole thing. Anything with Naruto, Shikamaru, AND Gaara in it should by all rights be awesome. Yet somehow, it was not. How? How can this be?

Next time, they should add Lee. That's surefire crack.

Kuroda~~

2006-04-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

So I cleared up the misunderstanding with Teen, which is good because he's the only toon I know on COH who runs around as a bish guy in underwear XD;;. And also, too hurray, Kur is now up to level 36 X3. I'm still a little conflicted about which pool to get at 41. Do I want Weapon Mastery, or Body Mastery? Clearly, being able to slow/hold my enemies would be awesome (on the other hand, I'd have to sheathe Mr. Stabby to do so), but I can't see the shuriken and exploding shuriken doing much in the way of damage. On the other hand, I would like to take Body because of NEED ACCURACY MORE and Conserve Power. Also, so I could make lame jokes about mastering my body hahaha yes.

Hm. Oh, wait, Web only takes down one target, and -fly doesn't help cause I have SJ.

...BODY MASTERY! Maybe I can also get Laser Beam Eyes because the idea is so lame. I would incapacitate myself with laughter whenever ultra-bish Kuroda shot lasers out of his eyes, though.

Yuki still not back huh D:. Sad, I miss mocking him for being old and angsty. Then again, isn't Sakuracon long over? He's probably hiding.

Kur is getting mistaken for a girl XD. This is especially amusing because he clearly has no boobs. But his current costume is a little... unusual, so maybe that's why. I wanted to see what he would look like with fade line tights, which when colored properly makes them look like modified fishnet stockings X3. But I couldn't find a good top for it, and alas, the collar isn't thin enough to look good on him. Well, fine, I'll be satisfied with what I have... for now. Maybe I'll add bishounen sparkles or something.

Block-tastic!

2006-02-16T23:57:00.000-08:00

Creepy guys aside, there are all kinds of characters at Brandeis. It's ridiculous how many bizarre stories I have acquired over my time here. I never had to block ANYONE on AIM before I came here, for crying out loud.

What I really don't understand is that all of the people I've had to block seem to think they're God's gift to everyone. Oh, wait. Maybe that's why I block them. But is there something about me that makes people think they can say whatever they want to me and suffer no consequences at all? There must be, because even now, if I'm in the subway alone (or even when I'm with friends), I always seem to run into people who are creepy, rude, or both.

They're almost always guys, too, but I think that's typical.

Replace "4kids" with "everyone".

2006-02-08T10:48:00.000-08:00

Yes.

My life is complete.

2006-01-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

Naruto smashed Orochimaru in the face. Take that, it's the Extreme Facial of Justice!

Augh.

2005-12-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

So, in the past two days, I have written two Neuroscience papers. And guess what? I still have a programming assignment and a Neuro and Cosi final, yayyy! Or maybe not so much yay, and more D:. Also, I somehow managed to overestimate the time I had until my Cosi final by TWO DAYS, meaning I'm hanging around for a while at Brandeis. Doing nothing. Hopefully, someone will be around so I won't feel extra lame.

Anyway, omg Silent Hill movie. I thought it would kind of end up like the Devil May Cry movie (i.e., drop out of site for-EVAR), but the trailer was recently released and I submitted a poster for Sony's contest because even though the beginning and end where kind of meh, the music and subsequent middle of the trailer were amazing. And by amazing I mean surprisingly consistent with the look and feel of the actual SH series and as a bonus included PYRAMID HEAD THROWING SOME SHIT AROUND IRRITABLY. I've heard that it's a dead demonic dog, but whatever it is, :D. PH is my favorite monster.

The Virtues of Pyramid Head
1. He has his own porn video
2. He has a knife so big he can't comfortably swing it, but he refuses to drop it and just punch me in the face.
3. His head/helmet is a giant, shiny, pyramidal piece of metal with one blood-red eye peering through a small rectangular hole cut into the front.
4. He is irritable.
5. His arms are sexah.
6. He dislikes tailgaters.

Yayyy :D.

This party's gettin' crazy!

2005-11-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

The Sims 2: It's a very entertaining game, but maybe a little too existential for me. Anyways, after I accomplished my goal of getting two guys together, there's nothing really left for me to do. I mean, even that was a little too easy. I could probably have just gone from flirt to propose without all that other stuff. If I'm wrong, and I actually did have to do all that hugging and whatnot in between the two, then I'M JUST THAT GOOD.

It would be a whole lot more interesting if there weren't such limited wireframe models. I mean, basically, you're just limited to recoloring things, and that's no fun. They have maybe 5 actual different wireframes, and then a bunch of hats D: . Where's my mono-vision hairstyle? I demand mono-vision! I'm also terrified by this "goose" command. Who makes this stuff up? Please don't tell me it's called goosing because your hand looks like a goose. That's a little too Leda and the Swan for me, kthx.

OMG Devil May Cry. I haven't gotten to it yet, but I heard one of the weapons you can get is a demonic rock guitar. That's like the best thing EVER. At least 50X better than the ice nunchaku, which completely baffle me. Anyway, I'm trying to play on something other than Gunslinger mode, but the truth is that I don't really want to give up shooting in two different directions. And I like how Dante has to go into bullet-time... to put on his coat. And answer the phone. And eat lunch. He's so lame XD.

I don't like Virgil, though. He's the only person that could possibly have the SAME EXACT DNA AS DANTE and still be annoying. Oh, look at me, I'm Virgil and of course I wear blue because Dante wears red. Look at me, I'm Virgil and I hang out with creepy old pedophiles. LAAAME.

X-Files!

2005-10-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, is it just me, or does Scully not have any intuition? At all? Seriously, who would mistake a perverted old man for Mulder? I mean, come ON. Even if they DID switch bodies, when would Mulder EVER initiate wacky waterbed hijinks?

Aww, the Lone Gunmen. Shooo cute. Saddam's army of mandroids, indeed.

"Come on back here and make me a sandwich, woman!"

10/29: Katsuya

2005-10-29T15:46:00.000-07:00

Katsuya
Originally uploaded by Bass Master Fei.

Trying to practice more with realism using the airbrush tool. I like the clouds, but the waves are a little wonky.

10/29: Ningyou

2005-10-29T15:44:00.000-07:00

Ningyou
Originally uploaded by Bass Master Fei.

It's too light for me to put in the strings I was planning to running out from the fingers, but I did like the red on the lips. The face is a little too chubby, but it is a doll, after all.

10/23: San + Shin

2005-10-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

273
Originally uploaded by Bass Master Fei.

San and Shin wandering around in front of a ramen shop.

10/23: Canaan

2005-10-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

canaan
Originally uploaded by Bass Master Fei.

It's Canaan from Xenosaga II. A quick doodle.

10/21: Hana

2005-10-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

112
Originally uploaded by Bass Master Fei.

Trying for more realism in the shading. Watercolor tool doesn't seem like the best way to accomplish this, though. It's rather imprecise.

10/21: Nathaniel

2005-10-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

87
Originally uploaded by Bass Master Fei.

So I wanted to go with a nice watercolor-shade. Actually, I think it would have looked better sharper and with only one base color, a la the Cowboy Bebop opening sequence, especially the smoke. But I do like the vagueness of the background.

Ed

2005-10-29T15:32:00.000-07:00

Ed
Originally uploaded by Bass Master Fei.

Trying to return to oekaki-ing.

How to Survive the X-Files

2005-10-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

1) If you hear a noise, no matter how small, don't turn back to your computer screen/music/magazine. RUN AWAY. There is a serial killer/man-eating mutant/swarm of angry bees in the room with you.

2) Don't become a scientist.

3) Or a park ranger.

4) If a grizzled, edgy fellow worker who's been at his job for years starts talking about strange happenings going on in the past few months, quit what you're doing immediately and move to a medium-sized town or city in which the citizens are colorless, tourist season is mediocre, and "the military base" means the installation 200 miles or more away.

5) Keep all your lights on forever.

Xenosaga II

2005-09-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

Chaos + Canaan = wonderful. Well, aside from the fact that, after seeing chaos again for what might have been up to 14 years, Canaan stares at chaos (who smiles), says goodbye to Jr., then beats a hasty retreat. It must be tough being a Realian with supressed emotions (read: SEXUAL REPRESSION HA^3).

So my party is Jr., chaos, and Jin. That's just the way things were meant to be. I always end up picking characters that are similar for my parties, and they rarely include a healing character (unless one is forced upon me). Basically, they're mostly male and they sword things. Or, you know, shoot things. Something like that. I had a Sui2 party in which two of my characters couldn't even attack because they were short-range and I had to stuff them in the back row, but goddammit, they were bish and they needed to be in my party.

The conversations are definitely more awkward this time around, though. The lag between one character talking and the other starting is SO LONG. Solong.

Albel's voice actor = Albedo :3.

Just finished Star Ocean. Spoilers.

2005-09-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

...What?

What do you mean, "our minds were the only things that were real?" If everything else was deleted but Fayt-tachi existed because their minds perceived a universe (wow, existential), then how come the everyone who was deleted before the Milky Way Galaxy was destroyed didn't come back, but those who were deleted after it was destroyed did? Because they didn't "refuse to die"? So if you're in the Eternal Sphere you can't die as long as you refuse to?

What?

That was the worst ending ever. Except for that random bit with Albel battling "Romero, King of the Dead" (wtf?!). That was hilarious, although it would have been even more humorous if the text dialogue hadn't been so goddamned slow even those morons who can't read subtitles could read it.

What is wrong with this game? Why is it so cheesy? And why does it have to have such hot supporting guys? Nooooo, Albel, you're doomed to be a one shot wonder! *whines* Cliff <3.

:D

2005-08-16T16:16:00.000-07:00

Kanda costume is coming along pretty well, although I've still some more work to do before I can call it done. But the real reason I'm writing is because a) an FBI agent just showed up in 'Salem's Lot, and I <3 FBI agents. Especially male FBI agents. Very especially male FBI agents named PENDERGAST. Right. Hanrahan's not a Pendergast, but still. G-men, yey :D.

And so Austine crosses one more category off Jobs That Aren't Particularly Awesome.

More work.

2005-08-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

The doujin is finished! At last!

...but now I have more stuff to do. Like omg costume, and scrabbling together art to sell.

Austine doesn't actually think she'll sell any, because probably with 360 artists, she'll suck in comparison. Cry.