My former Supergroup leader is batshit insane. I wish I'd kept all the conversations, but I didn't have chat logging turned on until later on. Basically, I found out he'd been lying to me, and although I repeatedly told him it really didn't matter to me, he kept persisting in telling me the same things over and over again until I told him to stop. Of course, he didn't, because he is a giant black hole of emotional need (something like that King from The Last Unicorn, but without the unicorns), which just escalated things. There are a few things that I cannot stand, and constantly trying to interact with me and pry some kind of emotion from me without listening to a single thing I'm saying is one of them.

Eventually, it was more like his apologies and emotional appeals were trying to set me up to be the bad guy (moms of the world, eat your heart out). The problem is that I'm not easy to guilt trip, and will resent it if I realize someone's trying to do it to me. It's a low tactic, especially when you're trying to eclipse the fact that the one who did something wrong was not me, but you. The way I saw it was that we should both get over it and move on, but it is hard to argue this point to a broken record.

July 10------------------------------------------------------------------

(23:46:00) JCTango88: are you there :(
(23:46:19) Bass Master Fei: Yep.
(23:46:29) Bass Master Fei: Not for long, though.
(23:46:38) JCTango88: :(...
(23:46:58) JCTango88: i hate that you feel like you can't trust me :(
(23:47:12) Bass Master Fei: Then work to become trustworthy.
(23:47:35) JCTango88: this was the one thing i wasn't totally honest about and it wasn't because i didn't want to be.. i didn't know how to handle it
(23:47:51) JCTango88: did i ruin everything between us?
(23:48:27) Bass Master Fei: No, Glemma is willing to forgive you, so I am still willing to be friends.
(23:48:44) JCTango88: you'd never see me as a boyfriend anymore though :(
(23:49:00) JCTango88: you said i'd be a good boyfriend.. do you still think that still holds true
(23:49:28) Bass Master Fei: Nope, not until I could be sure you were trustworthy.
(23:49:43) JCTango88: i want you to be able to trust me :(
(23:49:47) Bass Master Fei: Maybe, if you could make up your mind that you really liked someone.
(23:49:55) JCTango88: i know i'm sorry ok :(
(23:50:20) JCTango88: if i weren't i wouldn't be weepy :(
(23:50:54) Bass Master Fei: If you want me to trust you, start acting like it and stop telling me about it. I already know you're sorry, and I don't hold anything against you.
(23:52:33) JCTango88: would you ever think of me as a boyfriend ever again :(
(23:52:58) JCTango88: ...would you want to?
(23:53:13) Bass Master Fei: not unless you straightened up.
(23:53:47) JCTango88: but you do like me?
(23:55:08) Bass Master Fei: You're a nice enough person, but kind of weak-minded.
(23:56:04) Bass Master Fei: However, if what you told me about yourself wasn't a total lie, you also must have some strength.
(23:56:16) JCTango88: what about?
(23:56:22) JCTango88: and no i wasn't lying about myself
(23:56:27) Bass Master Fei: Your sister.
(23:56:33) JCTango88: oh about my dad?
(23:56:36) Bass Master Fei: Yes.
(23:56:41) JCTango88: yeah :(
(23:56:45) JCTango88: she's ok..
(23:56:53) JCTango88: she's actually better off than i am..
(23:56:57) JCTango88: she's a lot more social.
(23:57:16) JCTango88: I pressure myself too much.
(23:57:35) JCTango88: ever since i was a kid i was quiet and felt pushed
(23:58:03) JCTango88: being one of two-three oriental kids in a school can do that to you
(23:58:21) JCTango88: I got into a lot of fights with people who picked on me everyday
(23:58:27) JCTango88: I had to stand up for myself
(23:59:44) JCTango88: Austine? :(
(00:00:49) Bass Master Fei: hm?
(00:01:02) JCTango88: will you forgive me:(
(00:01:17) Bass Master Fei: I don't hold it against you.
(00:02:06) JCTango88: I wasn't lying about everything :(
(00:03:48) Bass Master Fei: Okay.
(00:04:39) JCTango88: Those feelings you had for me.. are they gone :(
(00:05:29) Bass Master Fei: Hmm...yeah.
(00:05:35) JCTango88: =(
(00:05:58) JCTango88: you don't want to see me as a boyfriend anymore do you :(
(00:06:16) Bass Master Fei: Like I said, maybe if you straightened up.
(00:06:23) JCTango88: what do you mean?
(00:06:42) JCTango88: and even if i did straighten up you might not want me would you :(
(00:07:07) Bass Master Fei: That's true. But I'd probably like you a lot better.
(00:07:21) JCTango88: I want you to trust me :(
(00:07:32) JCTango88: I wanted us to talk more
(00:08:59) Bass Master Fei: You're so weak all you can think of is that people don't like you. If you want to be more trustworthy, then don't break people's trust. If you want to be stronger, you have to work towards it. It doesn't matter how much you want something if you're not willing to strive for it.
(00:09:06) Bass Master Fei: It's 12:08, I'm going to bed.
(00:10:07) JCTango88: will you ever have feelings for me again :(

July 11------------------------------------------------------------------

(00:13:38) JCTango88: austine :(
(08:30:09) JCTango88: morning
(08:32:43) JCTango88: can we talk?
(08:33:01) JCTango88: if not now.. later today?
(08:33:11) JCTango88: please?
(08:37:38) JCTango88: austine? :(
(08:41:56) JCTango88: =(.. don't shut me out
(08:45:29) JCTango88: are you there :/
(08:47:36) JCTango88: T_T...
(08:52:30) JCTango88: i feel horrible about everything :(.. i'm sorry about not being honest about what happened and how it was being handled.. I can't change the past.. what's done is done.. but I still want to talk to you :(
(08:52:54) JCTango88: say something at least? :(...
(08:59:02) JCTango88: =(((
(08:59:22) JCTango88: I just found myself getting deeper and deeper into things and it got harder to get out
(08:59:32) JCTango88: I'm sorry :( ok? please talk to me?
(09:23:22) JCTango88: :( please say something? i don't like cold shoulder :(
(09:58:20) JCTango88: :( why are you ignoring me :(
(09:58:20) Bass Master Fei : Boku wa ima kimi o sasaete/Kimi wa ima boku o sasaeru
(10:16:06) JCTango88: *pokes* :(

July 12------------------------------------------------------------------
And today....
"If you don't appreciate my sincerity, you don't deserve my friendship. And your angry swearing isn't helping."